


Travel Companions

by misura



Category: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 12:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1940859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Dear Diary,</i> Hansel wrote, <i> this week, we visited the wonderful shitty town of Augsburg. Gretel made some new friends and got herself some new kickass witch-hunting powers. Me? I just got some new scars.</i></p><p>"And laid," Gretel said, reading over his shoulder. "Don't forget 'laid'."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Travel Companions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VampirePaladin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampirePaladin/gifts).



_Dear Diary,_ Hansel wrote, _this week, we visited the wonderful shitty town of Augsburg. Gretel made some new friends and got herself some new kickass witch-hunting powers._

_Me? I just got some new scars._

"And laid," Gretel said, reading over his shoulder. "Don't forget 'laid'."

"Hey! You ever heard of privacy?"

 

"But seriously," he said, maybe two miles later. "How come you get to keep your new friend and I don't?" 

Gretel got that expression on her face she always got when she wanted to talk about their parents - except that Hansel figured they'd pretty much closed the book on that one, so - "I don't mean Mina. I mean, she's dead, and that sucks, but hey, that's what people do."

"Suck?"

"Die," he said. "I was talking about Ben."

"Ben," she said, a little bit flatly.

"Kid could shoot. You gotta give him that."

"He had a picture of me in his room," she said. "His _bed_ room. As in: over his bed."

"So he could shoot _and_ he's got great taste in women."

"Thank you, but no thanks."

Hansel grinned at her. "You'd rather kiss a frog?"

"After what happened last time?"

"He was kind of cute. Useless, but cute."

 

_Dear Diary,_

_my sister is a witch. Also, she's got a thing for frogs._

_This worries me._

"What, the witch thing or the frog thing?"

"Both," he said, snapping the diary shut. "Either. Neither."

"I think it's the eyes," she said.

"Seriously," he said. "You ever see a couple of kids and think 'ooh, tasty'? Because yes, fine, Mina - and can we maybe not talk about Mina anymore?"

"You know I only have eyes for one man."

"I'm not sure if Eddie qualifies as a man, being a troll and all - and what's with that, anyway?"

"Edward."

"That's what I said. Handy fellow to have around, no argument there. Still, you know. A troll?"

"Trolls serve witches."

"Okay, that right there? So much more than I wanted to know about your love life right there. I mean, so what, he calls you 'Mistress Gretel' when you're in private?"

"Hansel ... "

"No, no. I do not want to know. Just, I'm happy for you. Really."

"I can hurt you. A lot."

"Yeah. Let me know when that becomes 'I can turn you into a newt' or something."

 

"Two words. Never. Again."

"Oh, come on. It wasn't so bad."

"My ... it was _blue_."

"I fixed it, didn't I? You're just being a big baby."

"You know what, screw this. We're going back to Augsburg, and we're picking up _my_ friend, and then you can do all the spells and magic and curses you want using _him_ as your test subject instead of me. How's that sound?"

"He tries touching my boobs again, he's gone."

"He tries touching your boobs, he's dead. Only question is, who gets to him first."


End file.
